Howard’s Divine Comedy, will be right back after this brief commercial break. Please stay tuned!
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
[MUSIC gently plays: Instrumental version of Silent Night. LAUREL and her deceased husband, HOWARD’S GHOST, sit on the sofa together, facing their fireplace, the mantle of which LAUREL has just completed decorating for Christmas, per her usual holiday tradition, only this is the first year the mantle has also held the urn containing HOWARD’S ashes.]
HOWARD’S GHOST: Well darlin’, it’s absolutely beautiful! You always do such a wonderful job spreading holiday cheer.
LAUREL: Thanks, hon. I only wish you were really here so you could fill the stockings like you usually do.
HOWARD’S GHOST: Me too!
LAUREL: [sheepishly] Now, you don’t think your urn might kinda clash a bit with the Santa and reindeer?
[HOWARD’S GHOST looks at LAUREL with a puzzled expression.]
EXT. URNING DOWN THE HOUSE STOREFRONT – DAY
[Music plays: Instrumental version of Talking Heads’ Burning Down The House. Camera zooms out, revealing entire storefront as seen from the street, including the large ‘Urning Down The House’ sign across the top.]
NARRATOR: [voiceover] Don’t worry, Laurel & Howard! We’ve got you covered!
INT. URNING DOWN THE HOUSE SHOWROOM – DAY
[CAMERA pans around the room, showing off the large selection of products on offer.]
NARRATOR: [voiceover] At Urning Down The House, we have, in stock, a wide variety of cremation urns designed to fit any season or occasion.
[CAMERA shows montage of varying urn styles to correspond with narration.]
NARRATOR: [voiceover] From urns with changeable decorative skins in a dazzling selection of colors and patterns, urns that display photo prints that can be swapped out anytime, even urns with gorgeous HD LCD touchscreens, you’ll never lack for ways to honor your deceased loved ones, while coordinating your home’s decor.
[CAMERA shows a display featuring an assortment of latex gloves, zip-lock bags, funnels, and scooping devices of varying size.]
NARRATOR: [voiceover] We also offer all the supplies you’d need to transfer ashes from urn to urn, should you wish to start your very own collection of decorative vessels.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
[MUSIC plays: Upbeat instrumental version of Winter Wonderland. LAUREL and HOWARD’S GHOST (HOWARD with eyes closed), once again sit on the sofa together, facing their fireplace.]
LAUREL: [excitedly, revealing a new urn on the mantle] Ok, honey, you can open your eyes now. What do you think?!
HOWARD’S GHOST: Well, Ho-Ho-Ho and Fa-La-La! Absolutely perfect!
LAUREL & HOWARD’S GHOST: [in unison, looking at each other] Merry Christmas!!!
[CAMERA shows computer monitor displaying the Urning Down The House website.]
NARRATOR: [voiceover] This holiday season, why not visit us at UrningDownTheHouse.com, check out our convenient online store, free shipping, and thru Dec. 15th use Discount Code: FEELTHEURN.